I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
