I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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