I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
