i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Still dying that you shit outside
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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