I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
