sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
