Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I will pee on everything he values.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
