i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
