I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Never joke about your clitoris.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
