if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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