Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
