Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
