u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Actions speak louder than pants.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
