You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
