Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
