I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
