Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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