I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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