do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
