Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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