What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
