Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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