sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
