There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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