i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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