No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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