I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
