the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
