He uses pillows to masturbate.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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