ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
