found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
