I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
