i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You need a sexual gate keeper
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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