# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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