Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
