yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
