Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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