I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
