he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
