I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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