I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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