I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
