He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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