Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you win again, gameday.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
