is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
