when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
