even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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