Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
