my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
