He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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