Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Randomize
