Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
